"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment", Ralph Waldo Emerson
There has been so much written about finding your purpose, your passion and how to do what you love and love what you do. Remember the cheeky little mantra, "Do what you Love and the money will follow"? Or how about "Don't Worry, Be Happy". No disrespect to the authors at all, but honestly, this actually made me furious - at the time to me, this seemed so trite, and "they" made it seem so simple. I acknowledge that this was good advice and written with the most loving of intentions, but for where I was at, this did NOT resonate with me. I would mutter under angry breath, "If it is so $@!* easy, why are there so many miserable people everywhere, including me". Hmmm.. I "loved" dogs, cats, walking on the beach, nature, music, tortilla chips and many other things. I would say to myself, "Yeah right, how am I going to make money walking dogs on the beach while listening to music and eating tortilla chips"? It seemed to me "they" were already successful authors, clergy, motivational speakers, wealthy, famous, etc. I would think "what about the rest of us who were working like dogs just barely scraping by, in jobs we hate and/or relationships that were at the very best a compromise of who and what we feel inside we are and deserve? If this sounds familiar, read on, as I will offer you a different perspective - one from someone (aka yours truly) who did it WRONG, the hard way for 40 + years, and pretty much ALMOST missed the boat - the ability to BE who you are without apology or compromise, and yes, doing what you love with JOY.
Backing up for a moment, I teach Kundalini Yoga,You Can Heal Your Life and write these Musings precisely because I did do it the hard way, creating struggle, failure and many years of personal grief before my AH HA moments, and my second chance arrived in full living color - and NOT looking at all like I had imagined! I offer these perspectives so that hopefully you won't have to do it the hard way, and that in some way, my rocky road had a purpose in making this journey we are all on together called LIFE a little easier for all of you - my brothers and sisters of humanity. And, I am not wealthy, famous, a published author, well-known - nor do I have "it" together "all" of the time. I have not studied with gurus or lived in an ashram or lived a mistake-free life. But I do have many years of real life experiences, lessons and wisdom gained from my journey to share, along with some real practical, simple things that I can offer that worked for me.
Note: I certainly DID not have anything figured out when I started down my path.. just the complete opposite. So, if I, Ms. Type A, triple Taurus, stubborn, senior citizen that I am, can do this, SO CAN YOU! Plus, I still don't have anything figured out - I just keep doing what brings me joy and trust that the rest will unfold in Divine and Perfect Timing. I am happy to report.. so far.. so good. So, if you are still with me, please read on.. the juicy stuff follows!
Note: I certainly DID not have anything figured out when I started down my path.. just the complete opposite. So, if I, Ms. Type A, triple Taurus, stubborn, senior citizen that I am, can do this, SO CAN YOU! Plus, I still don't have anything figured out - I just keep doing what brings me joy and trust that the rest will unfold in Divine and Perfect Timing. I am happy to report.. so far.. so good. So, if you are still with me, please read on.. the juicy stuff follows!
So, now fast forward. This quote by Dali Lama pretty much epitomizes what I was doing - notice that I said "doing", not "living". I was not living life - I was "doing" stuff and existing. I was well on my way to dying, having never really lived. In my process, I took every personality test, attended many "self help" seminars, classes, workshops, retreats, invested in a congressional library of books - always hoping and expecting that the next new thing would be the Moses and the burning bush life, changing moment that would transport me to that place of peace and happiness that we all imagine is a destination. I attempted all of the 12 steps, the four agreements, the road less traveled and everything in between trying to fit ME, the square peg, into the round hole of Life - with most of my time spent trying to magically change myself into the round hole so I would "fit in" and "be happy". I walked on coals, I cracked bricks with my hands, I talked, I was silent, I did "neutralizing".. and much much more. I would come home with an empty wallet and then revert back to my old negative thought and behavior patterns almost immediately. Well, of course, I was as far from the truth as I could be, and the harder I chased "happiness", the most elusive it became and the more depressed and discouraged I became - because I was always looking "out there", expecting a miracle, a savior and the magic bullet. And then I saw the quote, "The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results". UH OH, the truth of this stopped me in my tracks. Not to mention, it confirmed that I was certifiably insane. I instantly dropped into a state of utter terror with the realization that I was going to have to live the rest of my life in this state of disconnect, discontent, and wandering around mindlessly just "doing " stuff that had no particular meaning, IF I didn't stop doing the same thing over and over again.
So, here's what I did in utter desperation - I enrolled in a Mindful Meditation class, and surrendered. Not to something or someone else, but to myself. Somehow I knew that no one was coming to rescue me, that I had to figure it out on my own. I asked my Highest Self for guidance, courage, clarity and faith (not knowing for sure IF someone was really in there). I was terrified beyond words. One day in class, I sat next to a man who had a flyer about a "kundalini yoga chakra intensive class" with a picture of a beautiful woman with long flowing gray hair and a light shining on her face. The moment I saw that, the hair on the back of my neck stood up and I knew I had to be in that class. I had no idea what "kundalini yoga or chakras" were, and I really didn't care, I just knew I had to be there.
Thank God it was legal, safe and inexpensive - because I took the flyer and enrolled in the class that very day! I took a leap of faith. Very, Very unlike me, triple Taurus, who always has a well researched, rock solid, Plan A, with at least 3 other back-up plans, while wearing a belt and suspenders at the same time. I have never liked the unknown or surprises!
Thank God it was legal, safe and inexpensive - because I took the flyer and enrolled in the class that very day! I took a leap of faith. Very, Very unlike me, triple Taurus, who always has a well researched, rock solid, Plan A, with at least 3 other back-up plans, while wearing a belt and suspenders at the same time. I have never liked the unknown or surprises!
In my mind I thought the class would probably be some lovely, gentle, quiet meditation, spiritual class where we sit together and feel really good. After all, the woman on the flyer looked so angelic and so peaceful. There in lies the danger of expectations! In retrospect, I should have done some investigation about what "chakra intensive" was to be more prepared. However, had I done that, I might not have gone. KEY LESSON NUMBER ONE HERE.. I listened to my inner voice - I trusted and showed up despite my obvious lack of preparation and knowledge of what I was getting into. I showed up to class completely inappropriately dressed - in my black velvet pants and matching top, perfectly done hair & makeup, pearl earrings, and my nails and toe nail polish matching - like any proper Texan woman would do! As it turned out, the class was a very physical yoga class designed to release all of our old crappy emotions, gunk, junk, crazy thoughts and stuck energy so that we could connect with our Divine Essence - Divine Essence! I thought God (Divinity) lived in heaven - certainly not inside of messed up me. I wanted to leave as soon as I realized that I was in over my head, and that this was not another "self help" spoon feeding, money eating, temporary "feel good" seminar. BUT I didn't leave - within ten minutes of that class, I began to weep as sure enough the gunk, junk, crazy thoughts and years of sadness, grief, isolation and disgust with myself came flooding out. I knew I was on MY WAY HOME- to that place that so many people had described, but that I had only read about in books. I had no idea how I was going to get there or where "there " was, but I knew I was going.
And beyond that, it is difficult for me to actually use finite words to describe an Infinite experience. The class lasted 2 - 1/2 hrs - honestly, I barely made it through - it was so intense. I don't remember driving home - but I do remember that I walked out of there knowing that I had connected to something very different, very sacred and that somehow, my life was headed in a way different direction. I had no idea - I was terrified, but at the same time exhilarated, liberated. LESSON NUMBER TWO: Finding your way home, DOESN'T ALWAYS LOOK LIKE OR SHOW UP THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO!
And beyond that, it is difficult for me to actually use finite words to describe an Infinite experience. The class lasted 2 - 1/2 hrs - honestly, I barely made it through - it was so intense. I don't remember driving home - but I do remember that I walked out of there knowing that I had connected to something very different, very sacred and that somehow, my life was headed in a way different direction. I had no idea - I was terrified, but at the same time exhilarated, liberated. LESSON NUMBER TWO: Finding your way home, DOESN'T ALWAYS LOOK LIKE OR SHOW UP THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO!
After that first class, I immersed myself in Kundalini Yoga, and my life began to change in ways that I could not believe. I wasn't actually changing WHO I was, but somehow the circumstances that I had subsconciously created that were making me miserable began to change. The light bulb came on for me BIG TIME, and I began to experience feelings of pure joy, connection, meaning, HOPE, courage, strength and acceptance. I am not saying it was easy, but it really was simple - there is a big difference. I am also not saying that the road was smooth, or without bumps and bruises. I am saying positively, absolutely IT IS WORTH IT. When you really GET aligned with what makes you feel complete, whole, joyful and ALLOW it, the process begins to unfold organically, and you know you are truly heading home. I am not saying that Kundalini Yoga is the only way home, or that it will be your path, but what I am saying is that when you find your path, you will know it and you will joyfully, willingly and simply start your journey, no matter how illogical or impossible it seems. The critical message here is to START. Don't wait for something or someone to happen "to" you.
"You are that which you are seeking", Saint Francis
"You are that which you are seeking", Saint Francis
How do you go about finding YOUR path, purpose, passion, and how to do what you love and love what you do? I will leave the answer to two of my most favorite, wise and profound teachers. Mark Nepo, and Dr. Siri Atma.
"I don't believe that you find yourself. I don't believe you create yourself. I believe you make a nurturing environment, let yourself BE, and see what grows", Dr. Siri Atma, from his book, Waves of Healing, Listening to the Voice of Your Soul.
Please take a moment to re-read that statement and let it really soak in - it's beauty, truth and profound simplicity. For me, the nurturing environment was my yoga practice - and from my commitment to my practice, I grew into my own skin from the inside out! What YOU have to do is simply find places, people, things, environments that nurture you - that make your heart sing with joy - that when you are there, all of the crazy, ugly, nonsense that would normally be running rampant through your mind ceases and you feel buoyantly peaceful, accepted, safe, loved and that you belong without having to CHANGE who you are. That is how I felt in my yoga practice. Then those feelings began to extend out beyond my practice and gradually became integrated into my life when I wasn't doing yoga. I was still the triple Taurus, ultra stubborn square peg, and mostly the world and Life was the round hole, but now it was ok. More square hole people and circumstances were drawn to me and I found where I really belonged - rather than making myself change so that I could belong somewhere else! WAHE GURU. Imagine that? Being ok, just BEING you.. wow, what a concept that was for me to accept.
"I don't believe that you find yourself. I don't believe you create yourself. I believe you make a nurturing environment, let yourself BE, and see what grows", Dr. Siri Atma, from his book, Waves of Healing, Listening to the Voice of Your Soul.
Please take a moment to re-read that statement and let it really soak in - it's beauty, truth and profound simplicity. For me, the nurturing environment was my yoga practice - and from my commitment to my practice, I grew into my own skin from the inside out! What YOU have to do is simply find places, people, things, environments that nurture you - that make your heart sing with joy - that when you are there, all of the crazy, ugly, nonsense that would normally be running rampant through your mind ceases and you feel buoyantly peaceful, accepted, safe, loved and that you belong without having to CHANGE who you are. That is how I felt in my yoga practice. Then those feelings began to extend out beyond my practice and gradually became integrated into my life when I wasn't doing yoga. I was still the triple Taurus, ultra stubborn square peg, and mostly the world and Life was the round hole, but now it was ok. More square hole people and circumstances were drawn to me and I found where I really belonged - rather than making myself change so that I could belong somewhere else! WAHE GURU. Imagine that? Being ok, just BEING you.. wow, what a concept that was for me to accept.
So, my dear friends, I leave you this week with words to ponder from another of my favorite teachers, Mark Nepo, from The Book of Awakening:
" We are born with only one obligation - to be completely who we are". "The Universe reveals its abundance most clearly when we can be who we are". "The unwavering truth is that when we agree to any demand, request, or condition that is contrary to our soul's nature, the cost is that precious life force is drained off our core. Despite the seeming rewards of compliance, our souls grow weary by engaging in activities that are inherently against our nature".
What activities are you engaging in that is draining your precious life force? Are you willing to consider letting something go to find your passion and your purpose?
" We are born with only one obligation - to be completely who we are". "The Universe reveals its abundance most clearly when we can be who we are". "The unwavering truth is that when we agree to any demand, request, or condition that is contrary to our soul's nature, the cost is that precious life force is drained off our core. Despite the seeming rewards of compliance, our souls grow weary by engaging in activities that are inherently against our nature".
What activities are you engaging in that is draining your precious life force? Are you willing to consider letting something go to find your passion and your purpose?
What do you LOVE to do? Give it some thought, and give it a try. Please find ways to nurture yourself and see what grows from that. You do NOT need to change yourself, have perfect white teeth, a cover model body, a fat bank account, a mansion on the hill, the perfect partner to be happy and to find your purpose. Once you start DOING things that make you feel happy, connected, joyful, alive, the rest follows - I promise!
Please tune in next time for the truly miraculous story of how I traded in my panty hose, business suits, briefcase, Type A control freak, rigid lifestyle, which was draining my life force - for flip flops, a yoga mat, and a community of people that I truly adore. And, how I manifested the biggest miracle in my life - living in Italy for a year totally by myself, not knowing a soul, not speaking the language, staying at a yoga Ashram, with very little money, and against all odds.
Please tune in next time for the truly miraculous story of how I traded in my panty hose, business suits, briefcase, Type A control freak, rigid lifestyle, which was draining my life force - for flip flops, a yoga mat, and a community of people that I truly adore. And, how I manifested the biggest miracle in my life - living in Italy for a year totally by myself, not knowing a soul, not speaking the language, staying at a yoga Ashram, with very little money, and against all odds.
Thank you for being with me this week. See you next time!
Love, Peace, Light, Magic & Miracles to you in Abundance,
Vikki
ps... NO, I am not making a million dollars walking dogs on the beach, and eating tortilla chips... BUT I am doing something way better than that :)
Stay tuned.....
Love, Peace, Light, Magic & Miracles to you in Abundance,
Vikki
ps... NO, I am not making a million dollars walking dogs on the beach, and eating tortilla chips... BUT I am doing something way better than that :)
Stay tuned.....
