"I don't believe that you find yourself. I don't believe you create yourself. I believe you make a nurturing environment, let yourself BE, and see what grows", Dr. Siri Atma
Last month I wrote about how to Live in Alignment with YOU - that inside Essence that is Infinite, beautiful and that longs for outward expression. I wrote that really all we need to do is start nurturing ourselves and doing things that we truly love - where we feel that total connection, joy and bliss, and give up the struggle to "improve" ourselves, change ourselves or fit into someone's else's idea of who we should be. I quoted Dr. Siri Atma.. "I don't believe that you find yourself. I don't believe you create yourself. I believe you make a nurturing environment, let yourself BE, and see what grows". I encouraged us all to simply go find what we love - do it as much as you can, and then see what literally grows from that.
I shared about finding my Essence and purpose when I began to take Kundalini yoga, and then began to teach. This week I want to share with you the short version of a very long story about how I manifested a miracle. I took a sabbatical from a job I hated and that was literally sucking the life force from me and lived in Italy for a year, AND stayed at a Kundalini Yoga Ashram (yep, the stuff that books and movies are made about). The odds of this happening to me at that time were greater than winning the lottery - so please don't think you cannot also create a miracle when you truly focus on doing what you love - the thing that makes your heart sing with joy and makes all of the demons in the mind vanish. Here goes:
I shared about finding my Essence and purpose when I began to take Kundalini yoga, and then began to teach. This week I want to share with you the short version of a very long story about how I manifested a miracle. I took a sabbatical from a job I hated and that was literally sucking the life force from me and lived in Italy for a year, AND stayed at a Kundalini Yoga Ashram (yep, the stuff that books and movies are made about). The odds of this happening to me at that time were greater than winning the lottery - so please don't think you cannot also create a miracle when you truly focus on doing what you love - the thing that makes your heart sing with joy and makes all of the demons in the mind vanish. Here goes:
I have always believed in the power of affirmations and of positive thought and of writing down our dreams. I always wanted to live in Italy. When my older turned 30, I made a scrap book for her. On one page, it said, "Dreams for You", and "Dreams for Me". On the Dreams for me page, I wrote, "I want to live in Italy for a year, go to school and learn to speak Italian". At the time, I was dog broke, and was a single parent to my younger daughter, who was 14. I was also taking care of my elderly parents in another state, while working about 60 hours per week in a very stressful job.
UH HUH.. SURE VIKKI. The chances of me living in Italy for a year were less than slim and none. Because it was so far from reality, I really forgot about writing those particular words, but never gave up on my dream - it stayed alive in my mind and intentions.
Fast forward a few years. My daughter graduated from high school and was living at college, and both of my parents had passed. I found Kundalini Yoga and was immersed in the practice, and feeling like for the first time in my life, I was ME. Kundalini yoga allowed me to shed all of the thick layers that had built a fortress around my soul for so many years, and slowly emerge into the ME I always knew was in there somewhere. The ME that emerged was adventurous, and passionate about exploring fully all of the things that had been buried deep inside of me for most of my life.
For one thing, I wanted to go to Italy, but I had no money. I heard about house swapping, but knew nothing about it. For some reason, I went to Craigslist, which I NEVER do.. under "house swap". Most of them were "2 weeks in Florida for your Santa Barbara house, etc". But then I saw, "My Tuscan home for yours near UCSB for one year". I clicked - a professor at University of Siena had a teaching job here and wanted something near UCSB for him, his wife and young daughter (I live less than 2 miles from campus). He had pictures of a lovely small condo in a very small town, situated between Siena and Florence (this has got to be a scam or dream I was thinking). But, I replied, having NO idea what so ever how I would ever pull this off - another leap of faith. We clicked immediately, and our energy just flowed. We began communicating and checked each other's references, credentials, exchanged photos, etc. Before long, I felt completely comfortable with him, and just "knew" he was honest, real and would take care of my home. We made the agreement to exchange houses for one year.
I was terrified but exhilarated like I have never been before - just knowing I was doing the right thing, and about to embark on a life transformation like I had never experienced before. I have never felt terrified but excited at the same time. Prior to this, those two extremes had been just that - one OR the other separately. I saw the enclosed quote one day, and I made a bold decision - I decided to FACE EVERYTHING AND RISE.
For one thing, I wanted to go to Italy, but I had no money. I heard about house swapping, but knew nothing about it. For some reason, I went to Craigslist, which I NEVER do.. under "house swap". Most of them were "2 weeks in Florida for your Santa Barbara house, etc". But then I saw, "My Tuscan home for yours near UCSB for one year". I clicked - a professor at University of Siena had a teaching job here and wanted something near UCSB for him, his wife and young daughter (I live less than 2 miles from campus). He had pictures of a lovely small condo in a very small town, situated between Siena and Florence (this has got to be a scam or dream I was thinking). But, I replied, having NO idea what so ever how I would ever pull this off - another leap of faith. We clicked immediately, and our energy just flowed. We began communicating and checked each other's references, credentials, exchanged photos, etc. Before long, I felt completely comfortable with him, and just "knew" he was honest, real and would take care of my home. We made the agreement to exchange houses for one year.
I was terrified but exhilarated like I have never been before - just knowing I was doing the right thing, and about to embark on a life transformation like I had never experienced before. I have never felt terrified but excited at the same time. Prior to this, those two extremes had been just that - one OR the other separately. I saw the enclosed quote one day, and I made a bold decision - I decided to FACE EVERYTHING AND RISE.
I told NO ONE, just in case it all fell through. But Rise I did. Then the odyssey began. It took me 9 months to make all of the arrangements, including getting a special Visa, which the Italian government did not want to issue. I faced unanticipated financial obstacles, a big health crisis. When I finally told employer, friends and family, I encountered a lot of shock, and fear. Some were supportive, but I could tell they were worried about me. After all, I was a single woman, in my FIFTIES for heaven's sake - I did not speak one word of Italian and did not know a soul in Italy, and mostly, I did not have a job there - was I totally crazy?? Honestly, I still really had NO idea exactly how everything was going to work out, but I just knew I was on the right path because of how I felt inside. If we are truly following our heart first and the head second, our Highest Self will never let us do anything that is harmful or not for our Highest Good.
My thought was "well, if I fall on my butt, fail, blow it, and the whole thing turns out to be a disaster, I can always come home, get another job, and free load living with a friend until my agreement with the Italians was up". My life here doing what I was doing (except for my yoga practice) was pretty sucky, so how could it be worse? I admit it was really stressful at the end, with so many, many details and preparations, and receiving a diagnosis of a nasty bacterial infection in my intestines that threatened my mental and physical health. But I went anyway - against all odds, obstacles and rational thinking. My heart was telling me that this is what I needed to do.
On January 30, 2009, I boarded the plane at LAX, leaving my family& friends behind. We all cried. As I walked down the jetway, not feeling well physically, still terrified, one of my favorite quotes popped into my head,
"A fish cannot drown in water. A bird does not fall in air. Each creature God made must live in its own true nature", Mechthild of Magdeburg
For the first time in my entire life, I was headed to live in my own true nature to see what would grow.
My thought was "well, if I fall on my butt, fail, blow it, and the whole thing turns out to be a disaster, I can always come home, get another job, and free load living with a friend until my agreement with the Italians was up". My life here doing what I was doing (except for my yoga practice) was pretty sucky, so how could it be worse? I admit it was really stressful at the end, with so many, many details and preparations, and receiving a diagnosis of a nasty bacterial infection in my intestines that threatened my mental and physical health. But I went anyway - against all odds, obstacles and rational thinking. My heart was telling me that this is what I needed to do.
On January 30, 2009, I boarded the plane at LAX, leaving my family& friends behind. We all cried. As I walked down the jetway, not feeling well physically, still terrified, one of my favorite quotes popped into my head,
"A fish cannot drown in water. A bird does not fall in air. Each creature God made must live in its own true nature", Mechthild of Magdeburg
For the first time in my entire life, I was headed to live in my own true nature to see what would grow.
AHH.. confirmation from my Highest Self. Somehow, I knew that I was on my way to living in my true nature, and that if I managed to do that, it would be ok.. fish don't drown and birds don't fall from the sky. I had no idea what was waiting for me on the other side, but I knew I was creating a nurturing environment, and now I would watch and see what grew.
To clarify, I am not saying go out and quit your job, leave your family, and do something irresponsible. I AM saying get on your path, walk slowly and purposefully, and see what unfolds. If you do not know what your path is, simply do the things that make you joyful, and see what is drawn to you in the moments of joy.
To clarify, I am not saying go out and quit your job, leave your family, and do something irresponsible. I AM saying get on your path, walk slowly and purposefully, and see what unfolds. If you do not know what your path is, simply do the things that make you joyful, and see what is drawn to you in the moments of joy.
Stay tuned next time for more miracles as I experience the biggest adventure in my life.
In the meantime, that little saying "never give up on your dreams" is NOT a silly cliche. Please go out and find what you LOVE TO DO, bask in the experience and let grow and nourish every cell in your mind and body. Trust me, nothing is impossible, despite great odds and obstacles.
Thanks for being with me again this week. As always, I invite your comments, questions, feedback and any suggestions or topics that you would like to learn more about.
Love, Blessings and Gratitude,
Vikki
In the meantime, that little saying "never give up on your dreams" is NOT a silly cliche. Please go out and find what you LOVE TO DO, bask in the experience and let grow and nourish every cell in your mind and body. Trust me, nothing is impossible, despite great odds and obstacles.
Thanks for being with me again this week. As always, I invite your comments, questions, feedback and any suggestions or topics that you would like to learn more about.
Love, Blessings and Gratitude,
Vikki
